


That Whole Love Thing

by UbiquitousMixie



Category: Major Crimes (TV), The Closer
Genre: F/F, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 14:19:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4567728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UbiquitousMixie/pseuds/UbiquitousMixie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brenda's not too keen on the fact that Sharon has a girlfriend. Sequel to "Maybe Sort of Slightly Wanting More."</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Whole Love Thing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [imustgofirst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imustgofirst/gifts).



> Taylor has been begging me to write a sequel to 'Maybe Sort of Slightly Wanting More' for ages and I FINALLY finished it. It’s been ages since I’ve been able to write anything, so I’m both nervous and excited to post this. Oh, and Gillian Anderson is the inspiration for Jane. Enjoy!

Brenda tapped her knuckles against the door of the condo, adjusting the hefty weight of her purse as she waited. She hid a smile as she stared down at her feet, barely noticing the ache in her shoulder from the strain of the oversized files and the bottle of rosé that she had stuffed into the leather bag in her rush to leave work on time. It was Thursday, and nothing—not a complicated case nor a tense situation at home—could get in the way of her joy at spending the evening with Sharon.

Her heart beat a little faster, as it did whenever she was spending time with the close friend she’d fallen in love with.

She bounced back and forth, letting out an impatient huff before she knocked on the door again. When the door finally opened, the smile that greeted her did not belong to Sharon Raydor.

“Jane. Hi.” Brenda’s smile faltered, though she forced the edges of her lips into a cheery, false grin, the same grin she saved for lawyers or criminals.

The woman’s smile was warm, though it was by no means cheerful. To Brenda, it looked as fake as her own surely did. “Come on in, Brenda. Sharon’s on her way home.”

Brenda’s forehead scrunched in alarm as she bowed her head and stepped into the apartment. What on earth was Jane doing in Sharon’s home and welcoming her as if she owned the place? Her stomach twisted unpleasantly as she considered the very real possibility that maybe, just maybe, it was Jane’s home too. She quickly shooed away the thought; Sharon would have told her if they had made such a huge decision over the past week, and surely Brenda would have gauged for herself if the couple had reached that point. Right?

She cased the room as if it were a crime scene, looking for any indication that three people were residing there. She saw nothing out of the ordinary save Jane’s expensive Blahnik heels on the floor and her work scattered across the entirety of the dining room table. Her workload put Brenda’s to shame, and the ache in her shoulder waned as she finally cast her eyes in the other woman’s direction. 

Jane’s flowy, powder blue slacks hugged her backside and then skimmed loosely down her legs to reveal bare toes painted a deep plum. Her white silk blouse hugged her petite frame and several pearl buttons had been undone, revealing sunkissed cleavage. She was a damn good-looking woman; Brenda could understand the appeal, but the fact that Sharon looked at her and coveted her and loved her and fucked her made Brenda loathe her completely. 

Brenda watched as Jane busied herself around the room, collecting her DSM-5 and the assorted stacks of papers that were piled neatly atop the the table. Jane gave no explanation for why she was working in _Sharon’s_ home, or why she looked so damn cozy while doing so. She moved about the place as if she owned it while the chief investigator stood beside the couch, hugging her oversized purse to her chest. Blood roared in Brenda’s ears as she contemplated with horror that Jane might be staying and interloping on her time with Sharon. When Jane began tucking her papers into her leather Minkoff briefcase, Brenda heaved a sigh of relief. 

“How are things?” Jane asked, her slate blue eyes flicking up to meet Brenda’s gaze. A lock of her pale blonde hair fell across her brow, but she looked as pristine as ever, making Brenda feel wholly ashamed of her haphazard ponytail. She was no slouch in the looks department in a dress that Sharon had profusely complimented the last time she had worn it, but standing next to Jane, who looked like a very rich socialite, Brenda felt completely run down. 

“Oh, fine. Can’t complain,” Brenda responded brightly, throwing another false smile Jane’s way. “How ‘bout you?” 

“Things are great, thank you.” Jane smiled as she brushed the hair behind her ear, revealing a small diamond stud in her earlobe. 

The awkward silence hung in the air, the forced politeness completely unbearable. Brenda bristled under the intensity of Jane’s watchful gaze, feeling more and more like a science experiment. A flash of mild annoyance struck her then; she had a perfectly valid reason for disliking Jane Dawson, but what reason did Jane have to treat her girlfriend’s best friend like a mental patient who had just had a psychotic break? Did she dislike southerners? Was she threatened? 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the merciful rattle of keys outside in the hall. Both blondes glanced expectantly toward the door. When the key turned and the door pushed open, Brenda released the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She rooted her feet to the floor when the impulse to greet Sharon with a hug rose within her, and she instead watched as Jane intercepted her in the hall. 

“Hi, hi, hi!” Sharon announced cheerfully, looking at both women as she set down her purse and keys. “I’m sorry I’m late.” She smiled apologetically at Brenda before turning her attention to Jane, who had stepped into Sharon’s personal space to give her a lingering kiss. The kiss felt endless, and Brenda couldn’t look away even as her stomach churned unpleasantly. 

“What a pleasant surprise,” Sharon said gently as she pulled away, casting a quick glance in Brenda’s direction. “I wasn’t sure you’d still be here.” 

“Alas, my office has been commandeered for renovations, so I’ve been excommunicated.” Jane slipped her feet into her heels. 

Sharon unbuttoned her blazer, shrugging it over her shoulders to reveal a simple white wrap blouse. “Still? I thought they were due to be finished by this morning?” 

“So did I,” Jane replied with a frown. “Since most of my work was already here, I thought I’d take advantage of the quiet.” She lifted her briefcase and turned to Brenda. “But don’t worry,” she cajoled, “I’m not here to crash your girl’s night.” 

Brenda did flush then, feeling belittled and trivialized. She held her breath, considering with dismay the possibility that Sharon might invite her to stay. 

“I’ll call you tonight,” Sharon said, leaning in to kiss her girlfriend one more time. Jane’s fingers intimately cupped the curve of Sharon’s waist -- a spot that Brenda coveted, desperate for any opportunity to feel that sleek feminine curve against her own palm. 

“I look forward to it.” Jane glanced back at Brenda, a twinkle in her eyes as she added, “You two have fun.” 

The chief investigator fumed. She felt like a child and not for the first time, she wondered how Sharon could date such a horrible, snooty bitch. The door couldn’t close behind the psychiatrist fast enough. She breathed in a heavy, calming breath. 

“I’m so sorry I was late,” Sharon said again, touching Brenda’s arm before giving her a quick hug. “I should have texted to let you know I was running behind.” 

_Yeah, you should have. I woulda sat in the parking garage ‘till your awful girlfriend was gone,_ she thought. Instead, she shrugged and pulled out the bottle of wine, presenting it to the other woman. “Jane was sure lookin’ cozy when I got here,” Brenda commented, testing the waters before she continued. Sharon said nothing as she retrieved two wine glasses and pulled the corkscrew from the drawer. “I thought for a minute there that she was livin’ here or somethin’.” 

Sharon’s cheeks reddened slightly as she poured the rosé. She set a glass in front of Brenda where she stood on one side of the island, and Sharon looked into the pink depths of her glass. “It’s funny you should say that, actually…” 

Brenda could feel the color drain from her own face. “She moved in and you didn’t tell me?!” she shrieked, her brown eyes wide with alarm.

“No, no, no.” Sharon waved her hand as if to clear the misunderstanding from the air. “She hasn’t moved in but...she did broach the subject.” 

Brenda took a large swallow of the wine, hardly tasting it. It was a shame, too; she’d spent a small fortune on this bottle. “Really?” 

Sharon nodded. “With Rusty deciding to live on campus this year, there will be a lot more space in the apartment, and she asked me if I’d want to consider taking things to the next level.” She bit her lip, watching Brenda carefully. “Why she’d want to leave her penthouse, I have no idea. It’s twice as big as my place and closer to her work.”

“A testament to how much she loves you, I guess.” These were the moments that made Brenda think she wasn’t really cut out for having friends; she was expected to join in Sharon’s excitement and gush over this new development in her relationship, but she could not bring herself to muster the enthusiasm. “What did you say to all that?” 

“I told her I’d give it some thought.” 

Brenda nodded slowly. “I see -- you should probably let her down gently then, but do it sooner rather than later to save her from gettin’ her hopes up.” 

Sharon gave a breathless laugh. “I didn’t mean that I was thinking of a way to say no! I’m genuinely considering it. What do _you_ think about it?” 

"I don't live here, so I don't really have a say..."

The captain rolled her eyes. "Yes, but as my friend, your opinion means a great deal to me."

_I think it’s a crap idea and that you should kick the hoity ice queen to the curb so I can take her space..._ Brenda twisted her lips in thought, contemplating how much to divulge. “It’s a little fast, don’t you think?” 

“We’ve been together for nine months -- that’s not fast, is it?” 

“What do they call it? U’Haulin’?” She mustered a laugh, attempting to join her friend in her amusement. Brenda shrugged. “It's different for everyone, I suppose. I guess we’d be puttin’ an end to our Thursday nights if you move in together though, huh?” 

The brunette furrowed her brow. “Why on earth would we do that?” 

“I’d be intrudin’ on your time with Jane.” 

“Oh, don’t be silly, Brenda Leigh! She could join us. I’d love for the two of you to get to know each other a little better.” 

There was nothing Brenda dreaded more. She felt like throwing up at the prospect of her Girls Night coming to an end. Things had changed in a lot of ways when Sharon started this new relationship, but Brenda had fought to keep her Thursday night plans intact. She didn't delude herself into thinking she'd magically win Sharon's affections, but it was her one opportunity to at least be close to the one person she couldn't have. She couldn't handle losing that too. “I dunno about that. Jane doesn’t like me very much.” 

“Of course she likes you. How could she not?” 

The blonde shrugged again, considering a few different excuses to go home and sulk in the guest bedroom. “Ask her -- I never did anythin’ to her. You’d know better than me...maybe she’s just a little cold.” 

“I wouldn’t say that Janie’s cold,” Sharon stated, looking hurt. Defensively she added, “She can be a little aloof, but she’s incredibly sweet and generous.” 

Brenda knew that Sharon probably just couldn't see these flaws in her icy girlfriend, but she couldn't stand having put that hurt look on her face. “I'm sorry. Maybe it’s just me then. I just get the hint that she doesn’t care for me much.” 

Sharon gave a thoughtful smile and then diplomatically suggested, “Well, why don’t we all get dinner sometime? I don't know why we haven't tried that more than we have. You could really get to know her the way I do. I’m sure that you’d love her if you gave her a chance.” 

Brenda smiled politely. “Sure...as long as I get to keep Thursdays the way they are while we’ve got ‘em.” She straightened her spine. “So, anyway, let’s order some food. I’m starvin’.” 

As the blonde reached for the binder of assorted takeout menus, she missed Sharon’s watchful, pondering stare. 

\- 

Sharon beamed with pride as she watched Rusty across the room, sipping a coke as he immersed himself in conversation with Buzz. It still surprised her and saddened her a little that he had decided to leave the proverbial nest to live on campus. Her adopted son had taken such huge strides in his life that this seemed a natural step for him, embracing his independence while having the comfort of returning to Sharon’s on weekends and holidays and any time he wanted to be home. Whether he lived with her or not, it would always be his home. A pang of tenderness twinged in her heart, and she breathed through the emotion that had swelled within her. 

She scanned the room and observed her guests, frowning to realize that Brenda and Fritz had yet to arrive. Brenda had been off for weeks now and it irked her that she didn’t know why. Every attempt to extract information from her best friend had been an exercise in patience and futility, with the blonde avoiding and redirecting at every opportunity. It was deeply unsettling. There had been a time when Sharon could read her like a book, could anticipate her next move, but now...

Now, Brenda was like a skittish cat, running away every time Sharon got too close.

“What’s wrong, love?” Jane asked as she came up behind Sharon, sweeping aside her mane of dark hair to place a kiss against her throat. “You look a little lost.” 

“Oh, I’m fine.” 

Jane arched an eyebrow and pursed her lips into a disapproving pout. “Liar.” 

Sharon rolled her eyes. “Brenda isn’t here yet. I’m worried about her. Do you think she’s been a little odd lately?” 

Jane placed a small wedge of cheddar cheese into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully before responding, “I don’t know her well enough to be able to say. Her baseline has always seemed a little odd to me, but that might simply be because she doesn’t like me.” 

The captain scoffed. “She does not! You know, she said the same thing about you just last week. I think the two of you need to spend some time together and clear up this silly misconception. I really need the two most important women in my life to get along."

Jane reached into the refrigerator, retrieving more of the seedless red grapes for the cheese platter. “I know she’s your friend, darling, so I’m willing to try.” 

Sharon’s eyes lit up. “Really? You’d do that for me?” 

Jane’s lips curled into a smile. “Of course. I’d do anything for you -- even spend time with your friend who hates me.” 

The captain bumped Jane’s shoulder gently with her own, careful not to disrupt the platter that her girlfriend had finished arranging. “You’re terrible -- and wonderful.” 

Jane leaned in, kissed her nose, and grinned. “Don’t you forget it.” 

Before Sharon could respond, she caught sight of Brenda Leigh in the living room beyond Jane’s shoulder. “Oh! She’s here!” 

“Off you go then.” 

Sharon squeezed Jane’s arm before ducking around her, intercepting her best friend in the living room where she was handing Rusty a large gift bag. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he said with a smile, peering eagerly into the bag with childlike curiosity. 

“Of course I did. It’s not every day that you go off to live at college. This is a big step for you and I’m so proud of you.” 

Sharon came alongside Brenda, resting a hand against her shoulder. “Join the club. I couldn’t be more proud of you, Rusty.” 

He blushed, still unused to the barrage of compliments that he encountered on a daily basis. After he profusely thanked Brenda for the gift she’d given him and hugged her, Sharon turned her attention solely on her friend.

“You made it,” Sharon announced, hoping the cheer in her voice drowned out the relief. 

“As if I’d miss Rusty’s party,” Brenda replied, allowing herself to be pulled into a hug. 

Sharon refrained from pointing out that it was a valid concern given that Brenda was very, very late. “Where’s Fritz?” she asked, scanning the small crowd for any sign of the deputy chief. 

“Oh, he had to work.” 

Sharon raised an eyebrow. “I hadn’t heard of any open S.O.B. cases.” 

The blonde blinked. “Catchin’ up on paperwork, I think. He’s sorry he couldn’t make it. He sends his love.” 

The captain pursed her lips thoughtfully, knowing better than to push Brenda for more information than she was willing to give. She knew immediately that Brenda had lied to her, but now was not the time to find out why. “Come. There’s wine in the kitchen. I set aside a bottle of Merlot just for you.” Sharon was pleased to see Brenda’s cheeks flush as she guided her toward the kitchen. 

“Really?” 

Sharon nodded. “I’ll pour you a glass.” 

The kitchen was empty and quiet, and Sharon took the opportunity to get a better look at her best friend. If she didn’t know better, she’d think that Brenda had been staring at her, only to look away every time Sharon’s eyes glanced her way. As she reached for two wine glasses, Sharon caught Brenda’s watchful gaze in the reflection of the microwave. The sight sent a curious shiver down her spine. 

“So, have you made your decision?” Brenda asked quietly, twisting her diamond ring around her finger. Sharon watched the nervous motion and found herself struck by it, having never seen the other woman fidget with her ring before. 

“What decision?” the captain asked, handing a glass to Brenda as she forced herself not to stare at Brenda’s hands. Brenda played with the ring even as she held her glass. 

“About Jane’s proposition...y’know, movin’ in together.” 

Sharon’s cheeks burned. “Oh -- right. Of course. We’re still discussing it. It’s a big step... not one to take lightly.” 

She nodded slowly. “Right.” 

Brenda’s tone implied that she didn’t believe he r-- and why should she? Sharon had lied through her teeth. She had been evading the topic at every opportunity. Now did not feel like the appropriate time to confide in her best friend that she was not ready to take that step with Jane, not when Brenda was so clearly preoccupied and troubled by whatever was happening in her own relationship. Sharon’s relationship hang-ups were the least of her worries; though Brenda was standing right beside her, Sharon had never felt further away. It also didn't help that Jane was here, in her home; if Sharon was going to go out a limb and bare her soul, she wanted to do it on a sacred Thursday night. She couldn't stand the thought of Jane overhearing and getting the wrong idea -- or the right one, as it were. 

“Brenda Leigh, what’s going on? I have the distinct impression that there’s something you’re not telling me.” 

Brenda stared down at her shoes, twisting her lips in that way she did when she was lost in thought. When her eyes darted up to meet Sharon’s, the captain recognized how troubled her best friend was, and how haunted her eyes had become. 

“Let me in,” Sharon implored, stepping closer to rest her hand against Brenda’s arm. She watched the younger woman stare at Sharon’s hand and then bite her lip. 

“I don’t know how to say this,” Brenda finally confessed. “But there _is_ somethin’ I’ve been meanin’ to tell you.” 

Sharon’s heart hammered in her chest. “You know you can tell me anything, Brenda Leigh.” 

“Well --” 

“Sweetheart, your guests are --” Jane paused as she fully entered the kitchen. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was interrupting a moment.” 

Brenda backed away, and Sharon curled her fingers into a fist that she slipped into the pocket of her slacks. “You didn’t interrupt anythin’ important,” Brenda offered. “It’s good to see you,” she added with her fakest smile, and Sharon suppressed her cringe. Brenda’s tone lacked any sincerity at all, and Sharon knew that Jane had picked up on it too. A corpse would have picked up on it.

Sharon swallowed her disappointment. She had come so close to discovering what was going on with Brenda and now...a furtive glance beside her confirmed that Brenda’s walls had sprung back into place, blocking Sharon out completely. “What’s up?” the captain asked her girlfriend. 

“I was just about to tell you that some of your guests are leaving and wanted to say goodbye.” Jane’s blue-gray eyes watched them both closely, and Sharon could feel Brenda shift uncomfortably beside her. Jane held out a hand. “I’m afraid I’ll have to steal Sharon back for a little while, Brenda. We shouldn’t keep them waiting, sweetheart.” 

“I’ll be right back,” Sharon said to Brenda as she took Jane’s hand. “We should finish our conversation.” 

Brenda nodded, her eyes fixed on the burgundy liquid in her glass. 

By the time Jane had released her hand and Sharon had performed her hostess duties, Brenda had gone. 

-

Sharon ran her brush through her hair, standing in front of the wide double sink in her bathroom. Beside her, Jane brushed her teeth, holding back her pale blonde hair. Out of the corner of her eye, her girlfriend bore a vague resemblance to Brenda, though Sharon shook the similarities from her mind. It made her feel guilty when she acknowledged those similarities, especially given that they were few and far between….and given the feelings Sharon had once harbored for her best friend. That was all ancient history, and it was easy for Sharon to tell herself that the reason she noticed any resemblance was because Brenda Leigh had been on her mind. 

Jane rinsed her mouth and blotted away the water with a hand towel. Hanging it promptly back in its place, Jane came up behind Sharon and brushed her hair to the side, revealing the long, pale expanse of her throat before leaning down to pepper it with kisses. Had Sharon not been so distracted, she was sure she would have shivered the way she had in the beginning of their relationship. She remembered those early days and how much she had craved that attention; Jane’s sharp focus had been dizzying and exciting and had come at a time when she had needed it most, when she had felt lonely and vulnerable. 

“I’m surprised Brenda just left,” she mentioned, pushing aside thoughts of the past to focus on the present. “We had been in the middle of a serious conversation.” Sharon watched in the mirror as Jane stilled behind her. She felt Jane’s warm breath on her shoulder before she stepped back, folding her arms over her chest as she cocked her hip against the sink. “Did you see her leave?” 

Jane nodded. “I did, yes. You were talking to Mike. I assumed you had seen her go...or at least that you expected her to leave.” 

Sharon frowned. “Sweetheart...you should have said something. I’m worried about her. She hasn’t been herself in ages.” She set down the brush, turning to face her girlfriend. “I’m certain there’s something going on that she hasn’t told me about, and she all but confirmed that.” 

“Perhaps she’s not ready to share it with you yet.” 

“That’s just it -- she was about to before you came into the kitchen.” 

Jane arched a perfectly groomed eyebrow. “Well, I’m very sorry for having pulled you away to tend to your guests.” The tone was completely unapologetic. She pushed herself off the counter and walked out of the bathroom. 

Sharon sighed, following Jane into the bedroom. She sat down at the edge of the bed, watching the other woman fold the clothes she had been wearing earlier. “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out the way I meant it. I just meant that she showed up so late and we didn’t have a chance to finish talking before she left.” 

“In the middle of your son’s going away party was not the appropriate venue to confess a secret,” Jane added. “However selfish that was, I think she was looking for an excuse to try to keep her secret to herself, albeit poorly.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know Brenda very well, but it seems rather obvious to me what’s going on.” 

Sharon set her jaw and swallowed her distaste. It was not the first time her girlfriend had touted her “I know something you don’t” smugness, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last. Something about it rubbed her the wrong way. She should have been used to it -- Brenda had done it for as long as they had known each other, but she had found it tolerable, probably because Sharon had almost always been on the same page. Jane, on the other hand, positioned herself much higher than anyone else, even Sharon, despite their attempts at being equals in their relationship. “Would you care to enlighten me?” 

Jane pursed her lips, looking away for a fleeting moment before sitting beside her girlfriend on the bed. “She’s in love with you, Sharon.” 

Whatever the captain had been expecting, it hadn’t been that. She let out a bark of laughter. “That’s absurd. Brenda is not in love with me. She’s married--” 

Jane raised an eyebrow. “And where was her husband today?” she asked patiently. 

“He had to work. I often have to work on the weekend.” 

“Isn’t his division in close proximity to your own? Wouldn’t you have known if his unit had been given a case on a Sunday?” 

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t know _everything_ that happens in the LAPD.” Sharon shook her head. “And besides, whatever is going on with Brenda has to do with her marriage, not with me.” 

Jane took Sharon’s hand in her own and squeezed. “Why should that be mutually exclusive? She is probably having problems in her marriage _because_ of you. She’s in love with you, Sharon. Haven’t you noticed the way she looks at you?” 

Sharon felt her cheeks redden. “She doesn’t look at me any differently.” 

“She does. She looks at you….well, the same way you look at her sometimes.” 

At that, Sharon’s mouth gaped. “I...what do you mean?” She sighed, withdrawing her hand from Jane’s to pinch the bridge of her nose. “I never should have told you that I used to have feelings for her. It’s ancient history.” 

“It’s a little bit concerning to me that you’d think withholding things from me would solve this problem. Sharon, I wouldn’t blame you if you had lingering feelings. It’s completely normal. You were in love with her for years before you met me. Why should that love stop just because you’ve also fallen in love with me?” 

Sharon curled her hands into fists, her nails digging against her palms. She looked down, away, anywhere but at her girlfriend, who had read her like a book and who was now suggesting that she had read Brenda the same way. If she had pinpointed Sharon’s feelings and had recognized it so plainly in her features, could she possibly have been right about a woman that she barely knew? Her body trembled at the thought of Brenda reciprocating the feelings Sharon had felt since the very beginning of their working relationship. Brenda had certainly been acting odd for months, ever since…

...ever since Sharon began seriously dating Jane. Had it really been nine months of awkwardness and tension?

It was as if the earth had tilted back onto its axis without her having realized it was off. “I don’t…” Sharon cleared her throat. “I’m with you, Jane. How I felt in the past doesn’t matter.” 

“And how do you feel now?” 

“That’s complicated. You know I’m in love with you.” 

“And I know you’re also in love with her.” 

Sharon bristled. She hated being told how she felt, no matter how correct Jane may have been. “There’s not much I can do about it now. This is all speculation. Until she tells me herself what’s going on, I’m not going to push it or assume to know what’s happening.” 

Jane pursed her lips. “And what happens when she tells you that she’s in love with you?” 

“That’s not going to--” 

“It might,” Jane bit back sharply. “And the way you’re talking, it sounds as if your feelings for her may outrank your feelings for me.” 

“That’s not true." Sharon exhaled slowly, trying to calm the ire that rankled within her. "You're not hearing me. Jane, you know how I feel about you. I’m not trying to suggest that I’m going to leave you if she suddenly reveals her deepest, darkest feelings for me. I’m with _you_. My priority in this is figuring out what’s going on with my _friend_ so that I can get our friendship back to normal and be there for her if she’s having a difficult time. That’s it. That’s all.” 

“Sharon...I love you, but I can’t put myself in a position where I settle myself into this life we’ve been building together only for you to leave as soon as she decides she wants you.” 

“What? No. Jane, I’m not going to leave you,” Sharon said, wondering just when this conversation has spiralled so dangerously out of control. “I’m worried about a friend, not trying to figure out a way to end my relationship.”

“I’m not sure either one of us believes that.” Jane rested her hand briefly on Sharon’s knee before standing. “I think it would be wise if I headed home tonight. We both need time to think.” 

Sharon watched as Jane turned her back to her, pulling her silk pajama shirt over her head. The defined muscles of her girlfriend’s back and the smattering of freckles across her pale skin sent a frisson of desire down Sharon’s spine, but the desire tempered quickly. She was confused and uncertain and as Jane dressed herself and left without another word, Sharon felt more lost than ever. 

The first inkling of headache began to develop and she rubbed the spot between her eyes, allowing herself to flop back onto the bed with a huff of exasperation. Nothing about today had gone the way she had expected except for seeing Rusty off to his new dorm with a cooler full of enough food to overflow his mini-fridge and gifts piled in the back of his car. She had expected to nurture the maternal ache of a child leaving the nest with a glass of wine and the distraction of her girlfriend. She had not been prepared for her girlfriend to overreact, psychoanalyze, and leave abruptly. 

When had the women in her life become so frustratingly complicated? 

\- 

By the time Thursday morning had arrived, Sharon felt certain that everything was wrong. She had not heard from Jane or Brenda since the night of Rusty’s party, and she was beginning to seriously reconsider her decision to let things happen without her prompting. Sharon knew that her need to control was both a blessing and a curse, but in this situation she felt that nothing good could come from trying to push Brenda into spilling her guts. How many times had she tried to control a situation involving Brenda Leigh only for it to blow up in her face? 

She steepled her fingers, staring at her inactive cell phone. She’d received no text messages today from people who were not her children; Emily had asked about hair products and Rusty lamented his roommate’s 8am classes. She had no idea if she and Brenda were still on for their usual Thursday night plans, and as the day progressed she felt increasingly more restless. 

The tipping point, however, was seeing Fritz Howard trundle through the Murder Room, his rare five o’clock shadow masking his usually clean-shaven features. Sharon observed the droop in his shoulders and knew his appearance had nothing to do with his caseload. She smiled politely at him and, contradicting his typically amiable disposition, he ignored her.

That settled it. She picked up her phone and tapped out a quick text message to Brenda. _Are we still on for tonight?_ After sending this message, Sharon sent an immediate follow-up: _I’m worried. Are things okay at home? Your husband looks terrible._

Brenda’s response came shortly after. _Did he say something to you?_

Sharon’s eyebrow rose. _Verbally? No, but he didn’t have to. But his demeanor says a lot._

Less than a minute later, the other woman fired off her next text. _Good ole grumpy uglies._

Sharon chuckled. _What’s he got to be grumpy about? Were you hogging the sheets again?_

_What ISN’T he grumpy about?_

The captain rolled her eyes and sighed at Brenda’s evasive tactics. Rather than continue to ride on this merry-go-round, Sharon aimed for a different approach. _We’re going out tonight. I’m picking you up at 8._

Minutes ticked maddeningly by until the phone buzzed again. _Should I wear my dancing shoes?_

Sharon smiled and let out a sigh of relief. 

-

“So, where exactly are we goin’?” Brenda asked, watching Sharon out of the corner of her eye as they pulled out of the driveway. She avoided the form of her husband as he loomed in the window, no doubt eyeing their departure with a mixture of anxiety, curiosity, and suspicion. 

“I thought we’d go somewhere for dinner...change things up a bit. Are you craving anything in particular? Italian? Indian? Korean?” 

Brenda considered the last week -- hell, the last several months -- and snorted. “Booze?” 

The captain raised an eyebrow. “Liquid dinner?” 

“I had a late lunch,” Brenda lied. “It’s been a tough week. I could use a drink -- preferably something with a little umbrella.” 

Sharon stopped at the light and eyed her companion. “I’ll make a deal with you.” 

“Ha! How the tables have turned.” Brenda twisted her lips in thought. “What’s the deal?” 

“I’ll bring us to a bar if you finally tell me what’s actually going on.” 

Brenda contemplated this, unsure of whether she was ready to go down this road, but she knew she needed to venture down it eventually. It certainly couldn’t hurt to do it with alcohol in her system. “Deal.” 

They drove in relative silence, and Brenda marveled at Sharon’s easy command of LA traffic. She eased away from the more obvious choices and bar-heavy areas until they were parked in front of a rather unassuming hole-in-the-wall dive bar. She thought of Sharon frequenting a place like this and nearly laughed. The past didn’t so much matter; they were frequenting it now, together, and Brenda was selfishly pleased to have the other woman all to herself for as long as it might last. Especially, she reasoned, once she finally told Sharon the truth. 

They walked in shoulder to shoulder, and Brenda felt more like herself than she had in ages. As they ordered drinks at the bar -- a double Bourbon for Sharon, a rum runner for Brenda -- Brenda found herself unable to look away from the other woman. She looked glorious tonight, her hair full and her dress clinging to her curves and her bare legs long and lean. Had Sharon made an extra effort in her appearance tonight, or had Brenda simply missed looking at her? It didn’t matter; the result was the same. Brenda could not take her eyes away and she didn’t want to. There was no Fritz and no Jane to catch her looking. There was only Sharon, and she seemed oblivious to Brenda's longing stares. 

Sharon opened a tab and grabbed their drinks, motioning toward the back of the not yet crowded room until they found a small, unoccupied corner booth. They were followed by a waiter, who set down two vibrantly red shots with a smile before promptly departing. 

“What’re those?” Brenda asked, scooting into the booth until her knees touched Sharon’s beneath the table. There was plenty of room for Brenda to have her own, unoccupied space, but she sought whatever physical contact she could completely without intention; it was second nature to her now. She craved Sharon’s nearness in whatever way she could have it. 

The brunette, oblivious to Brenda’s rather obvious shifting, grinned wickedly, pleased with herself. “Appetizers. I have no idea what’s in them.” She gingerly picked up a shot glass and handed it to Brenda before picking up her own. “I thought you could use one.” 

Brenda flushed slightly at the realization that she had been staring so intently that she had entirely missed Sharon ordering them shots. She licked her lips. “What should we drink to?” 

“To us,” Sharon replied simply, holding out her glass. 

_If only,_ Brenda thought, clinking their glasses. A droplet of sticky sweet alcohol ran over her finger. She raised the glass to her lips, watching Sharon do the same, and smiled. This was her Sharon, doing shots in a seedy dive bar on a work night. No one else existed in that moment but the two of them. 

She tipped her head back and downed the shot, suppressing a cough as something sweet and slightly cinnamony burned down her throat. She opened her eyes in enough time to watch Sharon’s head snap upright, her hair breezing over her shoulders while she slammed the glass down on the table. “Oh my!” Sharon exclaimed with a laugh. 

“That was horrible!” Brenda added. “Goodness.” She shuddered, slumping back against the booth. 

“You know,” Sharon said, all serious, “I’ve missed you, Brenda.” 

Brenda traced her fingertip along the condensation of her violently pink drink and smiled sadly. “I’ve missed you too, Sharon.” 

“Really?” 

“What? Of course I have!” 

“I wasn’t sure,” Sharon began, twisting her glass on the tabletop. “I worried that I had done something to alienate you in some way.” 

The blonde took a long, healthy swallow from her cocktail, her heart beating an unhealthily rapid tattoo in her chest. “You didn’t do anythin’ wrong. It’s me.” 

“So help me to understand.” 

“It’s all pretty simple, really. Fritzi and I are splittin’ up because I’m in love with somebody else.” 

Sharon blinked, her mouth agape. She recomposed quickly. “I--I don’t know what to say. I had no idea. How did I miss this?” 

“Don’t beat yourself up, Sharon. You know what they say...most people don’t see what’s right in front of ‘em.” 

“What do you--” The other woman stopped, her cheeks coloring, and closed her mouth. “Brenda Leigh…” 

The blonde laughed, only because the alternative was to cry. She felt like throwing up. “Yeah. It’s you.” She shrugged dramatically, feeling the tension like knots in her shoulders. “So...that’s it. That’s what’s been goin’ on.” 

“I see.” 

“D’you hate me now?” Brenda asked miserably, sucking down another gulp of her drink. She studied the other woman carefully for any sign of shock or disgust...but none came. 

“I could never hate you.” Sharon gave a wry smile. “Not even way back when, when I told you I didn’t like you.” She shifted slightly in the booth. Their knees still touched. “Why didn’t you tell me to begin with?” 

Brenda shrugged. “It’s just not somethin’ you do...you don’t go ‘round tellin’ people you’re in love with them when you’re married and the other person is in a relationship.” 

“Does Fritz know about, um, how you feel?” 

“He doesn’t know it’s you, if that’s what you’re askin’. I couldn’t spring that on him too, on top of everythin' else...an' I didn't wanna go makin' life harder on either of you given how close you work now." Another hot surge of guilt churned in her stomach. "I don't want this to change anythin' between us, Sharon. I couldn't stand it if I lost your friendship. I’m only tellin’ you now because you asked. I’ll get over it, just...please don’t hate me." 

To her surprise, the other woman's hand covered her own, warm and comforting. "I'm not going anywhere." 

Brenda studied the captain's smile, her eyes, the tension in the lines around her face. There was more going on beneath the surface, of that Brenda was certain, but she couldn't stand to uncover something that might complicate matters further. "Well, good. Please, please, please don't tell Jane. She hates me enough already!"

"Oh, the two of you!" Sharon rolled her eyes and, after a final squeeze of Brenda's hand, slumped back against the booth. "I wish the two of you would kiss and make up already." 

Brenda wondered if it would become obvious to Sharon why Brenda disliked the psychiatrist so much. Rather than ruminate on it, Brenda instead gave a sly smile. "Why, Capt'n Raydor, are you invitin' me to have a threesome with y'all?" The shocking scarlet hue of the other woman's face was immensely satisfying. 

"In your dreams," Sharon retorted, hiding behind her bourbon. 

"In yours." She sipped some more of her rummy drink, which was beginning to taste more and more like juice. "So, we're okay?"

The brunette nodded. "Of course we’re okay."

-

The second round of shots had been Brenda's idea, a peace offering to smooth over any lingering awkwardness following her confession. The third round had been Sharon's, after she encouraged them both to do a fair amount of damage on two bowls of peanuts, chips, and boneless chicken wings. 

Sharon wasn't sure which of them insisted they order a fourth round and, after choosing the shot with the most ridiculous name (Red Headed Slut), she was feeling well and truly plastered. Her head swam as they slammed their glasses simultaneously against the table and she laughed as a tiny trickle of liquor slid down Brenda's chin. She reached over, wiping away the offending drop and sucked it off her thumb. The other woman's glassy eyes darkened as she watched. 

Sharon watched her closely. Brenda Leigh seemed freer than she had in a long time, the weight of her secret no longer holding her back. It seemed now that a Brenda could be herself again, and for that Sharon was immensely grateful. 

Brenda was in love with her. In love. _Love. Love. Love._ The words rang in her ears and Sharon blinked. She had yearned for this moment for years until she had finally given up hope and moved on. She had finally been able to let herself be open to the possibility of finding love with someone who was actually interested and willing and free...and now Brenda returned her affections. It was too late now, Sharon told herself. Brenda had missed her chance. 

Sharon didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. It was like something out of a cheesy romantic comedy, only this time Sharon wasn’t so sure that she’d end up getting the girl. In those movies, there was always something slightly wrong about the protagonists’ partners, but Fritz and Jane were sweet, kind, good people. There was no compelling reason to take a chance on love other than a selfish desire to have her cake and eat it too. 

"This is fun," Brenda said, slumping her shoulder against Sharon's, pulling her from her thoughts. Their knees were touching, as they had been for hours. 

"It is," the captain replied, and she meant it. Sure, she was mad as hell with Brenda for taking her sweet time, but it didn't change the fact that Sharon had fun with her and enjoyed every moment they spent together. 

The bar had filled up, crowded now with local color that had been interesting to watch as the night progressed. It was safer than watching Brenda, with her dark eyes and alluring mouth and milky skin and the expanse of exposed flesh at her low neckline. She swallowed. Her head spun. 

Brenda began to sway her shoulders to the music that blared around them, and Sharon smiled. She couldn't help herself. "Wanna dance?"

"Won't Jane mind?"

"Jane's not here...and what's a little dancing amongst friends?"

Brenda met her challenging glance and accepted the proffered hand. They scooted together out of the booth, heading toward the small dance area that was already packed with undulating bodies, most of which lacked any discernible rhythm. Sharon began to dance to the unfamiliar music, grinning as Brenda began to do the same. It felt so good to be swaying to the music, to be ignoring her worries for just a moment or two. She hadn't realized how much she needed this, or how much she needed this _with Brenda._

The other woman was at least several feet away, a feat given how crowded the dance floor was to begin with. A man dancing nearby smiled at her and turned his body toward her, indicating his apparent interest. Sharon pursed her lips; she understood Brenda not wanting to send her the wrong signal, but this would certainly not do. She reached for Brenda's hand and, interlacing their fingers, pulled her closer until she was inches away. The younger woman's eyes widened at their proximity and Sharon smiled. This close, she could smell Brenda's shampoo and feel the heat radiating from her body. 

She was close enough to kiss. 

Closing her eyes, Sharon tipped her head back and surrendered to the music. The alcohol had made her dizzy and brazen and bold. Brenda's nearness set her on fire, making her acknowledge for the first time how poorly she had managed to get over her feelings. She had made a damn good show of it, but she loved and wanted Brenda just as much as she always did. She choked back a laugh that might also have been a sob, and then she felt Brenda's free, warm hand slide against the curve of her waist, and her knees nearly buckled. She laughed then, loud and clear, and opened her eyes to Brenda's bewildered expression. 

"What is it?"

"You know what's hilarious about you being in love with me?" The blonde shook her head. "I was in love with you for years!" She laughed again, her body brushing against Brenda's. The feel of her own breasts grazing the other woman's made her feel like she might combust. 

Brenda's eyes widened, and her complexion had gone startlingly pale. "You--you were?"

Sharon nodded. "See? So it won't make things weird; I did it for years and we were fine. Just fine." 

Brenda gave a weak smile before she stopped dancing. "I think I need to sit down." 

Sharon watched her go, her heart racing and her head spinning. She began to regret the third and fourth shots and wondered when she'd truly begin to regret the decisions she had made. She followed Brenda, feeling unsteady on her feet as she reached for the younger woman's arm. "Brenda Leigh, wait--"

The blonde spun on her heels, her eyes flashing as she studied Sharon's expression. And then, before Sharon could comprehend what was about to happen, Brenda kissed her. 

Her mouth was warm and pliant; it tasted of liquor and lipstick. Sharon sighed, resisting for mere seconds before she kissed her back, her tongue mindlessly stroking against the other woman's lips. Brenda's hands cupped her cheeks and they careened closer, their bodies aligned from head to knee, and Sharon clutched at her waist. She felt so good, better than she had ever hoped or imagined. She was on fire, wet and aching and desperate to take everything being offered. Brenda felt and tasted so different than Jane, who--

Who she was still seeing. 

She tore her mouth away, gasping for a breath to collect herself. Brenda's thumbs stroked her cheekbones. Their foreheads touched and they breathed the same air. 

"Brenda--"

"I love you, Sharon."

Sharon closed her eyes. The words were deafening. “I can’t--”

"I know,” she said, stepping back. “I'm gonna go. I need to go. I have to...I can't..." 

And, just like that, Brenda was gone. Sharon watched her collect her purse and stumble through the crowd toward the door, where she would presumably find a cab and return home to her estranged husband. What would she say when she got there? Would she have the presence of mind to fix her lipstick? Would she sleep in the guest bedroom? 

The captain took a moment to collect herself, wanting to give Brenda ample time to make a hasty getaway. Her lips tingled. She wondered if she wore Brenda's lipstick. She wondered how much of this she would remember in the morning, and knew she was drunk enough to regret but not drunk enough to forget. 

Slowly Sharon made her way to the bar, signaling to the bartender that she was ready to pay her tab and drink a glass of water. After she signed her name, she called a cab for herself, and slipped her debit card back into her purse, checking it twice to make sure she had put it away. 

Sharon had always been responsible, mindful, careful. She had never made impulsive mistakes and this...

What had she done?

Her head reeled, and she couldn’t blame it on the alcohol. Brenda was in love with her. Brenda had kissed her. Sharon had let her. Sharon had wanted so much more than just the brief caress of her mouth against her own, and she had come dangerously close to drowning in her inhibitions. It felt so right, so natural, that Sharon had very nearly forgotten that this wasn't just a dream. 

She had told Jane that she wouldn't leave. What did Sharon have if not her word? What did this have to change? She had made a commitment and Brenda had missed her chance. It was too late. It didn’t matter that she loved two women; there was no choice to make. 

Digging in her purse for her phone, Sharon made her way outside and tapped in a number that she only had to correct once. She steadied herself against the cool brick wall and waited. 

"Sharon?"

"Janie...hi."

"I wasn't expecting to hear from you...especially not on a Thursday."

"It's been a strange night.” She sighed. “I miss you."

"Strange how?"

"Do you miss me too, Jane?"

"You know I do, Sharon."

"Come over. We can talk." 

"Sharon...."

"Please?"

By the time Sharon arrived home, Jane was already waiting, and Sharon no longer wanted to talk. Sharon had barely closed the door behind her before she made her move, kissing her girlfriend so hard that her lips hurt. She worked hard to avoid thoughts of Brenda and that night, she fucked Jane as if she had something to prove. 

And she did have something to prove. 

-

Sharon woke to the crushing pressure of a hangover pounding on her skull. She groaned, pressing her fingers into her eyes as she peeled her tongue from the roof of her mouth. She felt like hell, but it all came back to her: the confession, the kiss, and fucking Jane as if her life depended on it. A subtle shift of her hips proved just how sore she was, and her fingers were soft where the come had dried. 

She reached a tentative arm beside her; the bed was empty. She slowly opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows. Jane's clothes were gone, no longer scattered about the room. Had it not been for the obvious physical evidence to the contrary, she would have questioned whether Jane had been there at all. 

She licked her lips and began to go about her morning, taking the Tylenol that had been mercifully left out for her on the nightstand beside a bottle of Evian. She stretched her sore limbs and headed for the bathroom, focusing her thoughts on her ablutions, careful to avoid thinking too much about the night before. She had a lot of thinking ahead of her, and she couldn't bear the thought of holding herself accountable just yet. 

Clean, dressed, and minimally less hungover, Sharon made her way into the kitchen for coffee and toast, only to find Jane sitting at the counter. 

Her surprise was evident, and Jane picked up on it right away. "I didn't mean to startle you." 

"You didn't. I just thought you had left." 

Jane flipped the page of the newspaper with a snap. "I'm not especially keen on being used for sex and then running away without getting an explanation." 

Sharon blanched. "I didn't use you, Jane. I asked you to come over. You didn't have to say yes." 

"Whatever's been going on between you and Brenda seems to have come to a head last night." Jane licked her lips, folding the paper and pushing it aside. "I think I needed to find out for myself what happened." 

Jane, the woman with whom she had been intimate for nearly a year, looked like a stranger with her gray, scrutinizing eyes. She kept the counter between them, feeling as if Jane’s proximity would break apart the strength she needed to get through whatever was to come. "And sleeping with me told you what you needed to know?"

"In a way." 

"Jane..."

"What happened last night, Sharon?" 

Sharon wondered if her face betrayed her. "We talked."

The blonde pressed her lips together. "And?"

"Brenda kissed me." Guilt mixed with a pang of desire, and Sharon felt nauseas. "It was sudden and unexpected and it won’t happen again.”

Jane nodded, as if she had known what Sharon would say all along. "No, it won't." She methodically got to her feet, smoothing back her pale blonde hair. "I can't stay like this, Sharon."

"Jane, it was a mistake. We talked and things got carried away. I’m not trying to make excuses, but it’s important that you hear me when I remind you that I came home to you last night.”

"Last night was great. Really, it was. I'd like to think you were with me and not miles away...I wanted our last time to be a pleasant memory for us both." 

“You sound as if you knew it would be our last time.” 

“I guess maybe I did, on some level. I knew it would come to this.” 

"Jane, I'm with you. I want to be with you." 

"I want to be with someone who wants to be only with me. I'm not going to share you." 

Sharon frowned, reaching a hand out to grab Jane's. "I'm sorry about this...about all of this. I never expected any of this to happen." She squeezed her fingers. 

"The sad thing is, when I first met Brenda, I knew this was inevitable, but I wanted you too much to stay away. I knew better." 

"So that's it? I'm getting the boot?" 

"Better for me now than later, when you choose Brenda." 

Sharon knew then that it was over, that Jane was giving her an out that she didn’t deserve. She also knew that Jane was right. 

-

A week went by, and Sharon again heard nothing from Brenda. She had not made an attempt herself to contact the other woman -- what would she have said? “Brenda, Jane dumped me, so let’s give this a shot”? Sharon wasn’t sure what she wanted. It all seemed too convenient, too scripted. Nothing had ever gone smoothly for the two of them. Why should this? 

On Thursday, Sharon decided that a week had been long enough. She had been grateful for a busy work week to distract her, but the persistent silence was beginning to drive her crazy. It had been a week since Brenda admitted that she was in love with her, a week since they had kissed. It had been too hard and too soft and too long and too short all at once, but it had been perfect. 

She wanted to do it again. 

Sharon looked up at the sound of a knock on her office door, and she was surprised to see Ann McGinnis. 

“Sorry to disturb you, Captain,” Ann said, holding out a file folder. “Chief Howard’s out of town, and he asked me to stop by with this action report from our last joint case.” 

Sharon’s brow furrowed slightly. Fritz had gone out of town? She wondered momentarily if he had needed time away after Brenda had confessed to him that she was in love with someone else. “Oh,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “I hope he’s all right.” 

The commander shrugged, her hands on her uniform-clad hips. “I assume so. He and Brenda went up to Big Sur for the weekend, so if anything comes up, I’ll be your point person.” 

Fritz and Brenda had gone away together. Sharon forced a smile even as the chill coursed its way down her spine. “Thanks for dropping by,” she replied, holding up the report. 

“Anytime.” 

The commander briskly retreated, and Sharon felt moderately mollified by the displeasure mirrored on the other woman’s face. 

Sharon sighed, settling back against the chair. What had changed in a week? Sharon sorted through her recollections of that night; Brenda _had_ said that they separated, hadn’t they? Had they gotten back together? 

She chuckled to herself, shaking her head. Brenda had always managed to surprise her. She had learned to read her and anticipate her thoughts, but when it came to Brenda Leigh's heart, Sharon was oblivious. 

Biting her lip, Sharon slipped on her glasses and poised the report that Ann had delivered. 

-

Brenda stood in front of Sharon's apartment, uncertain about knocking. She smiled awkwardly at a passing neighbor and his quizzical glance, and she couldn't blame him for his curiosity. She no doubt looked like a madwoman standing in front of this apartment, a bottle of wine in each hand, chewing her lip as if it were made of chocolate. 

She sighed, rolling her eyes at herself, certain that showing up unannounced after weeks of silence was a terrible idea. Brenda Leigh Johnson, a self-professed control freak, had completely let this fall beyond her grasp. She had taken one misstep after another and could not pinpoint when it had gone wrong. 

She should leave. Turning up on Sharon’s doorstep wouldn’t help a damn thing. 

As she turned to go, the door swung open. "Are you going to stand out here all night?" Sharon's voice was cool yet amused, and Brenda couldn’t help but smile sheepishly. 

"I wasn't sure if...." Brenda bit her lip and instead held up the bottles of wine. "Red or white?"

Sharon stood aside and opened the door, cocking her head and indicating that Brenda could enter. "It's only Tuesday."

"I thought I might shake things up a bit."

"You've already done plenty of that, Brenda Leigh." Sharon trailed off into the kitchen, opening cabinets and drawers for two wine glasses and a corkscrew. 

Brenda deserved that, but it stung nevertheless. She watched as the other woman opened the bottle of white and poured them each a glass. As she opened her mouth to speak, to apologize, Sharon once again beat her. 

"How was Big Sur?"

She was immediately assailed by thoughts of the cabin, the scent of pine, the raised voices, and the tears. "How did you hear about that?"

Sharon sipped her wine. “More importantly, I didn’t hear it from you.” She peered into the depths of the glass before meeting Brenda’s eyes, her expression sad. “I don’t understand what happened. You shared with me how you felt and then you disappeared. Were you embarrassed? Or just planning on reconciling with your husband?” 

Brenda twisted her lips, wondering if Sharon intended to sound so accusatory. She couldn’t blame her for being hurt, not after Brenda took the time she needed to sort out the mess her life had become, but she expected a little more….understanding -- from Sharon, of all people. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I wasn’t sure…” Shoulders sagging, Brenda pushed back the hair from her face and frowned. “I messed this up, didn’t I?” 

“Perhaps we both did. We both could have approached this better. Our friendship doesn’t have to be over just because of your feelings for me. I’m not going anywhere, Brenda Leigh -- but you can’t just disappear on me and expect me not to be a little hurt when you reappear. We’ve been on equal footing in this friendship but lately, this has all been on your terms.” 

“I know I’ve been selfish. I’ve been tryin’ to sort it all out and I stopped thinkin’ about how all of this impacted you. I didn’t know what to say and so it was easier and safer to just say nothin’. I think it was all goin’ fine until I kissed you. I’m sorry ‘bout that. I got carried away when you said you used to have feelin’s for me and I’m….I’m just sorry.” 

Sharon’s cheeks reddened. “I was an equal participant in that kiss. We were swept away in the moment.” 

“Thank you for not sayin’ that it happened just because we were drunk.” 

“I’m sure it helped but….I was aware of what I was doing.” 

“So was I.” 

They looked away from each other then, and Brenda took a heavy swallow of wine. 

“I’ve got cake…” Sharon offered. 

“Oh, thank the Lord! Can I have a piece?” 

Sharon smiled. “You can have two. Go sit. I’ll bring you a slice.” 

“A Brenda-sized slice or a Sharon-sized slice?” 

Brenda did not see the dishtowel near Sharon’s hand until the captain had tossed it playfully in her face. 

\- 

Cake, as it turned out, was an excellent ice breaker -- as was the wine. After all this time, Sharon still marveled at the therapeutic effects that chocolate had on the other woman and wondered why she hadn’t attempted to coax the truth out of her sooner with baked goods and candy.

“So we’re talkin’ about everythin’ tonight, right? No beatin’ around the bush anymore?” 

“I certainly hope so,” Sharon said, licking the chocolate from her fork. 

The blonde nodded, her curls bouncing gently against her shoulders. “So I have to ask...did you tell Jane about what happened that night?” 

Sharon set her fork on her plate and placed them both on the coffee table, repositioning her body on the sofa to give her friend her undivided attention. “I did.” 

“And?” 

“I think she expected it, to be honest. She suspected you might have feelings for me and that was simply confirmation.” 

“I always knew she was analyzin’ me! I bet she won’t be too keen on us remainin’ friends.” 

Sharon held her breath, contemplating this moment of truth. She would not do as Brenda had done and remain evasive about her life. This night was about clearing the air, and Sharon was ready to embrace it. “She won’t have much say about it regardless; we’ve stopped seeing each other.” 

“Wait -- what? You broke up?” 

“We did. A few weeks ago. I would have told you but…” Sharon clasped her hands in her lap. “You were out of town.” 

“But...what happened? You two seemed so happy together.” Brenda’s dark eyes subtly scanned the room, though Sharon could tell that the blonde was seeking confirmation that they had broken up by taking note of the missing photographs. 

“We were, but we weren’t right for each other. I think we needed this little push to figure that out.” 

“Oh.” There was a long pause in which Brenda Leigh looked at everything except for Sharon. The brunette could have laughed and simultaneously kicked herself for not having realized that Brenda had been doing this all along when it came to Jane. Finally, Brenda added, “Are you okay?” 

Sharon bit her lip, stifling a laugh. “I won’t say it didn’t hurt when it ended, but it was the right thing. Jane’s a wonderful woman.” 

Brenda nodded. “I’m sorry to hear that.” 

Sharon rolled her eyes. “No you’re not.” 

“I am too!” 

The captain tucked her feet beneath her, observing the other woman as she dragged the remaining icing around her plate with her fork. She waited, leaving the topic hanging in the air as an opening for Brenda to discuss what had happened with Fritz, but Brenda remained silent. Rolling her eyes, Sharon prompted, “So...did you and your husband work things out?” 

Brenda’s brow furrowed. “Huh?” 

“Your save the marriage weekend...did it help?” Sharon slipped her hands into the pockets of her sweater. “You never mentioned either way what happened.” 

“It was Fritzi’s idea. He was so insistent about it and I guess I thought I owed it to him, though all we did was go ‘round and ‘round what we’d already discussed. It was like he thought gettin’ out of LA would make all the difference. I filed for divorce yesterday.” 

“Are _you_ okay?” 

Brenda nodded. “It was hard. I hated to hurt him but it wasn’t fair to force him to stay in a marriage that wasn’t workin’ for either of us. What kinda wife am I to go fallin’ in love with someone else? He needs a real wife.” With a final scrape of her fork, Brenda gathered the remainder of the icing and licked the fork clean. “So here we are, two newly single gals.” 

Sharon nodded. “Here we are.” 

“Nothin’s gonna change between us, is it? We’re okay?”

“Why should things change, provided that we make the effort to get back on track?”

“Because of that whole love thing…” 

Sharon smiled, reaching out to touch Brenda’s elbow where it rested on the back of the sofa. “What’s a little love between friends?”

“Oh, don’t tease,” Brenda implored, her cheeks infusing with color. 

“I’m not teasing. We can be friends and be in love with each other. It happens all the time.” 

Brenda raised an eyebrow. “But you’re not...you said…” 

Sharon smiled shyly, focusing on the truth she had yet to say. “I never really stopped loving you, Brenda Leigh.” 

Brenda blinked and, to Sharon’s surprise, began to laugh. “Okay. So we’re just two single gals who are in love with each other.” 

“Yup.” 

“What are we gonna do about that?” 

Sharon’s fingertips traced the hem of Brenda’s cardigan where it was pushed up around her arm. “We’re resourceful, intelligent women. I suspect we’ll come up with something.” 

\- 

As Thursday nights went, this one was pretty close to perfect. 

An expensive bottle of Cabernet sat uncorked on the kitchen counter, left to breathe, as Sharon had helpfully suggested. Biding their time with a shared piece of strawberry rhubarb pie (with extra homemade whipped cream) had evolved into necking like teenagers against the refrigerator. From there, clothing littered a path across the apartment to the bedroom, where they reacquainted themselves with Sharon’s large, luxurious bed. 

Falling in love with Sharon Raydor had been an exciting, terrifying adventure that Brenda Leigh had embraced as a sudden inevitability. It had been as obvious and necessary to her as breathing. 

Kissing Sharon Raydor had been a sensual, intoxicating experience that got better with every tender brush of lips and meeting of tongues. Brenda couldn’t get enough. 

Having sex with Sharon Raydor, however, was something Brenda had been entirely unprepared for. It wasn’t so much the fact that she had never been with a woman that intimidated her, but the prospect of having _all_ of Sharon when she had previously expected nothing at all. She had been overwhelmed by the beauty of Sharon’s body and the ferocity of her desire and the intensity of her touch. She could not have known that Sharon would be so dedicated to Brenda’s pleasure and so confident in satisfying her own. 

Sharon was better than Brenda could have ever imagined. 

Brenda maneuvered their tangled limbs until Sharon was flat on her back, pinned beneath Brenda’s sweat-slick body. Yes -- she had been overwhelmed by sex with Sharon, but she had adeptly learned what made her sigh and moan and lost control. She grinned down at the woman beneath her. 

“I always knew you’d be a top,” Sharon humorously suggested with a smirk. 

Brenda licked the corner of Sharon’s mouth, addicted to those smirks. “I’m willin’ to share that position with you. Sometimes, bein’ on top has its advantages.” 

“Oh yes?” Sharon shifted her hips, settling her thigh firmly between Brenda’s legs. Brenda adjusted her own legs, driving her thigh against Sharon’s sex. The heat settled against her flesh and she hummed her pleasure. 

“Oh yes,” Brenda agreed, clasping Sharon’s hands with her own and pinning them above their heads. Leaning down, Brenda claimed Sharon’s mouth in a searing kiss that left them both breathless as she began to rock her hips in a steady rhythm that applied just the right amount of pressure against the apex of Sharon’s thighs. The brunette moaned, rocking her own hips in sync. 

For what felt like an eternity, they moved together, their tongues deliciously stroking while their bodies chased release with each undulating motion. Sharon began to pivot her hips, searching for more, her soft moans becoming more desperate. Brenda could feel her own pleasure mounting as she approached release and dizzily wondered if Sharon could come like this. When the other woman whined in desperation, Brenda released Sharon’s hand and worked her arm between their bodies, her fingers skimming through Sharon’s slick folds before she began stroking in tight circles against Sharon’s clit. She drove her hips down harder against Sharon’s thigh, closer and closer…

“Oh!” Sharon cried, her body spasming in its release. Brenda followed seconds later, moaning her pleasure against the other woman’s shoulder. She shuddered and sighed until she nearly collapsed on top of her. 

“You’re incredible,” Brenda Leigh said breathlessly, shifting her body until she lay beside Sharon, who grinned. 

“Look who’s talking,” Sharon replied, brushing aside a strand of Brenda’s hair. 

The blonde leaned in, kissing Sharon slowly, gently, as her racing heart pounded against her chest. She sighed happily, unable to contain just how content she was to be in this moment with the woman she loved. 

“Oh, I just love Girls’ Night,” Brenda added, nipping her teeth against Sharon’s shoulder. 

“Every night is Girls’ Night now,” Sharon pointed out. 

Brenda laughed. “I know!”

\---


End file.
